


Pieces

by NineTalestoTell



Series: So We Meet Again Extras [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Pain, i hope you enjoy, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 21:35:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7138181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NineTalestoTell/pseuds/NineTalestoTell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are Pieces of John all around him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I gave Angst a shot so I hope you enjoy!

Alexander missed John. He missed John every day of his life. Yes, he had Eliza, and he loved her. Betsy was a wonderful woman and mother. But…it wasn’t the same as with John. There was something about him. They had been through so much together: a war, a revolution, an affair – no. What they had was more than just an affair. Alex would have married that man if he was able. He knew how foolish of a dream it was. It was all he had now, though. Well, that and one other thing.

He had Philip.

His son looked so much like John, and he acted like him too. Then again, it could have just been traits he and John had shared. His words, his love for what he cared about (right now it was cats and little soldier men), his temper. It was things that reminded him of John none the less.

He made a promise to Philip then. He promised he would never let anything bad happen to him. He wasn’t going to lose the light of his world twice. He had lost John. He wasn’t going to lose his son as well.

...o0o...

Years passed, he made mistakes, life went on.

He had other children, Angelica, Alexander Jr., James, and John Church. It was the name of Angelica’s husband, but Alex knew better. He knew it was foolish to try and hold on to John like he was. He’d been gone for years at this point. He’d been gone for a lifetime now, it felt like.

He still had pieces of him. After he died, the Laurens’ sent back all the letters he had written to John. He didn’t let the family see those, though. Those were his. Those were personal. He had other pieces of him, too.

Philip looked more and more like John every day, so much so that sometimes it hurt to look at him. He would ask why he was crying, and Alex would say it was nothing, old memories, and move on. He was so sharp, his mind blew Alex away. He was insanely proud of him. He was going to blow them all away.

His John Church wasn’t to be trifled with either. He was a wordsmith like his father and a secret namesake.

Alex had pieces, but it still didn’t patch up the hole that was in his heart.

...o0o...

He thought he couldn’t take another heartbreak. First John, then the pamphlet, and now…and now Philip. Eliza was inconsolable, she wouldn’t let him near her, which in a way he understood. He’d hurt her, and she had lost so much. Not only were they picking up the pieces of their lives still, but Peggy had passed not long ago. And then this happened. She had screamed at him and sobbed when she learned Alex had known about the duel, as if it didn’t kill him to know that his advice was the reason their son was dead right then.

He’d promised Philip, he’d promised and he let him down. Philip was dead because of him. And so was a piece of John.

It was like he was losing him all over again. He had to be cursed. Why else did he keep losing everything he loved the most? His mother, John, Philip, and hell, Eliza might not be dead, but she felt so far out of his reach – so far away.

Death and pain didn’t discriminate, but four’s a pattern. He was the common denominator in all of their lives. There had to be a reason. He had to be the reason.

...o0o...

Eventually, time passed. Eliza forgave him, for everything, bless her soul. Betsy was an angel, she really was. Too bad he never forgave himself. Philip was still gone. John was still gone. He was still alive.

So when he was standing in Weehawken, near the same spot where Philip had died, he didn’t surprise himself when he raised his pistol to the sky. In some ways he made that decision long before he rowed across the river that day.  

...o0o...

John Church was not proud of everything his father did, but he understood them. And no matter what, he was proud to be a Hamilton. His mother passed a year before, and he had taken up her work of putting together his father’s story. He always was concerned with his Legacy, after all. What he was finding was…explaining things.

Like how his father would sometimes get teary-eyed when he called his name. He always brushed it off as ‘you remind me of Philip’, or something else before. Now he understood.

He found the letters. Some of them read like love letters, at least one of them he had to censor in case anyone else found it. He didn’t know what to do with this information, but he did preserve it. They were important. His father treated them as if they were sacred.

He carefully put the letters away, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if John and him were happy now, where ever they were.


End file.
